POLITICAL
LITTER BOX
THE USUAL OCCUPANTS
By: Norman Liebmann
A schoolboy riddle asks, “Why
don’t fish have feet?” The answer is – “Because they don’t want
to step in anything.” It also explains why extraterrestrials don’t have feet -
because they don’t want to land in Washington .
The Clinton campaign is like
a pachinko machine. Bill supplies the balls and Hillary supplies the clatter.
John McCain is not a maverick,
he’s a mutineer.
Toni Morrison who labeled Bill
Clinton “The first Black President” is endorsing Barack Obama, which raises the
question: How black is black?
America can thank Al Gore for those constipated light bulbs that have
to squat and strain before they can excrete any light.
It is fitting that John McCain should
be the Senator from Arizona which is less of a state than it is a retirement village.
The trouble with giving an illegal
Mexican a driver’s license is that you can’t tell whether the image in the upper
left hand corner is his picture or his thumbprint.
Hillary Clinton should decide whether
she’s going to be a bitch or a victim. It’s apparent she’s not up to
handling both.
Barack Obama has given the blacks a
glorious opportunity to end their suicide pact with the Clintons, and white
Americans will be wise to emulate their black brethren.
A recent poll reveals John
McCain’s support is split between the geriatric community and the out-and-out senile
community.
If Mitt Romney becomes President he
will be nothing like George W. Bush, but the Democrats are already planning to treat him
as though he is.
Der Fuhrer turned down the idea of
building an Adolph Hitler Library for fear it would be built in Arkansas.
How long
would John McCain advocate an open borders policy after some illegal alien raped his 94
year old mother?
Anything that is politically
incorrect is worth a try.
Bill Clinton says Barack Obama is
like Jesse Jackson – or did he mean like Stepinfetchit? Has Obama finally gotten the
idea that he’s up against a two person lynch mob?
Hillary’s campaign has picked up
momentum, which is easy to do when it’s already going downhill.
Governor Mike Huckabee should refuse
criminals early release from prison, but in a humanitarian gesture, give everybody early
release from Arkansas.
In lieu of a more reasonable
explanation, let’s say the media regards the Clintons as an unsolvable crime wave and let it go at that. |
Politics is something politicians do all
the time in order to be able to continue doing it all the time.
The Clinton Library should have a
display case housing the Clintons ’ first pair of His and Hers brass knuckles.
Speaking of humanitarian gestures,
Hillary plans to provide the homeless with softer curbs on which to lay their heads.
Clinton being made welcome in Harlem makes as much sense as celebrating Mussolini’s Birthday
in Ethiopia.
An honest Democrat politician is as
rare as a Big Mac in Darfur.
The Clinton political hit
squad should be nicknamed Rambo and Bimbo.
Feminism is nothing if not
resentment.
Al Sharpton suffers from delusions of
being taken seriously.
The new even more spacious Hummer
front seat will be available in four sizes – “Wide”, “Extra
Wide”, “Wide as All Get Out”, and “Hillary Clinton”.
If you see Bill Clinton near a school
call Security.
Had their two nations been
contiguous, the impoverished people of Bangladesh would already have built a forty foot electrified fence
surrounded by a moat between their country and Mexico.
John McCain can’t be expected to
ever forget that he was in the Hanoi Hilton, but he sure as hell won’t let the voters
forget it. Captivity is not a qualification for public office.
Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee
thinks he can assume a moral position without ever mentioning the Clintons - or for that
matter without mentioning Arkansas.
If they establish a George W. Bush
Chair In Government at Yale it will probably have training wheels on it.
The United States Senate is a
manifestation of what governance would look like if Nero had been a committee.
Fred Thompson doesn’t have the
fire in his belly. Bill Clinton does but it has always been situated somewhat lower.
The race is shaping up as Hillary
Rodham Kremlin versus John Sidney McKremlin. (Honest to gosh - Sidney!)
If elected, McCain will give
Americans what it feels like to be locked in a dungeon for four years under a nasty old
Commandant with a terrible temper.
Before he leaves office, Bush may
learn to distinguish that not-so-fine-line between an obsession with compassion and
compassion that has become his obsession. Like somebody cares.
If Mike Huckabee becomes President it
will be because of a bigger than expected turn out by the cows in Arkansas.
McCain accused Romney of wanting to
get out of Iraq. Nobody accused McCain of wanting to get out of the Hanoi
Hilton. (Because his father was an American Admiral, the Vietnamese had offered him the
chance.)
Arab women don’t need to wear
burkhas. Most of them need to wear welder’s masks. The Saudis Arabs are beginning to
treat their women like human beings. Up to now there has been some doubt. Let’s just
assume Islam is a disease and deal with it accordingly.
Peggy Noonan says Bush destroyed the
Republican Party. Is this a flash?
Dennis Kucinich has dropped out of
the Presidential race in the interest of aggravated disinterest.
Vermont, the gender indefinite state, will advise visitors not to look
for gender specific restrooms, and just use toilets of opportunity.
In the last Presidential election,
McCain was considered elderly. Now he’s considered olderly.
CNN is no longer mainstream
journalism. It’s more like what you might call landfill journalism.
There’s a new narcotic getting
into the country from India. The pushers in San
Francisco call it “Karma’s little
helper”.
To no one’s surprise, the Clintons have a mail slot
in their front door marked Subpoenas Only.
Hey Bro, let’s get to work on a
thermonuclear taser.
When John Paul Jones said “I
have not yet begun to fight”, it reminds us pretty much of the way John Kerry handled
his military obligations in Viet Nam.
The Clinton’s other
grotesque “living Legacy” is Al Gore, The Hoaxmaster General, – obese,
obtuse, and should not be running around loose. (Gore’s book An Inconvenient Truth is
less inconvenient than it is incoherent.)
One of the major disappointments of
the past decade is the Condoleezza Rice.
Jesse Jackson used to hate the white
man for his oppression. Now he hates him even worse for his indifference.
Hillary and McCain share a common
extremism. How come they’re not on the same ticket?
Tennessee Williams said, “There
is a time to depart, even when there is no place to go”. For the Clintons this is such a
time. They should quit talking about the future and go there.
And this …
Do you ever get an awful feeling this
is all really happening?
"Published originally at EtherZone.com : republication allowed with this notice and hyperlink intact."
Norman Liebmann is a free-lance political commentator and staff writer for Ether Zone.
Norman Liebmann can be reached at firehat@adelphia.net
We also invite you to visit his website - Fire Hat
Published in the January 30, 2008 issue of Ether Zone.
Copyright © 1997 - 2008 Ether Zone.
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