Financial shark, Bernard Bernanke, was rehired because of his singular ability
to smell blood in a budget.
An idea whose time has some: Obese Overseas Airlines. If a passenger weighs
over 300 pounds he will get to where hes going by making two trips.
A woman recently called 911 to complain when her husband refused to eat his
dinner. (Apparently he had eaten in that place before.)
Tony Blair wants to be the President of Europe. So did Hitler. Next case.
Who does the Obama family watch most often on TV - Jemima Winfrey or
Supreme Court Justice Sonia (Wiser Than Any White Man) Sotomanure is
considering a judicial order to the Jockey Club to allow a burro to enter the Kentucky
Michelle Obama doesnt need a girdle. She needs a U haul.
The ever-forgiving Attorney General Eric Holder has undertaken the task of
finding an antidote for felons who have been executed by lethal injection.
How come it wasnt called The Woodstock Degeneration?
Oblack Obama. Nuff said.
A New England Travel Agency will offer vacationers a tour of Vermonts
Did Barack Obamas parents wedding ceremony include exchanging
Smith and Wesson already have a quick cure for the common terrorist.
Obama is using taxpayer money trying to influence the editorial opinions of
mainstream newspapers that nobody reads.
Proctologists have abandoned rubber gloves for catchers mitts. Just the
thought of it brings tears to your eyes. One size fits all.
Doesnt Obama feign that same happy-go-shitty attitude as Bill Clinton?
Hillary is really fun to be near. Don't let that napalm cologne fool you.
The submissive posture in which they ambulate suggests the Republicans
change the name of their party to the Republicrawls.
Fashion statement: Inner city consumers carry something called a ghetto bag -
for shopping after the stores are closed.
Las Vegas is making book that Jefferson Davis will end up on Mount Rushmore
before Barack Obama.
The rumor is Teddy Kennedy was buried in a vertical position so the family
can claim it had at least one upstanding politician.
Youve said it all when youve said of Helen Thomas "Its
To counter all the bad news about climate change, an optimistic meteorologist
has issued a weather report predicting clear weather followed by clearing in the
Muslims complaint they are being pulled out of line just because they
have tails as profiling. (The controversy over the word "profiling" has been a
blessing to cocktail party lay psychoanalysts who have finally exhausted the word
The members of the Senate resemble severed worms. All its parts continue to
wriggle and have to be stepped on one segment at a time. Dont plan on ever wearing
those shoes again.
The operative question is why is an aborigine with a toothy grin that
slithered out of the gutters of Chicago being allowed to destroy the United States of
The next terrorist bomber on a transatlantic flight subdued by the passengers
should have Attorney General Holder plead to have his fare refunded.
If there is a world series played in Massachusetts, will Barney Frank throw
out the first pansy?
Its possible if John Stossel gets anymore reasonable hell melt.
The rumor is Nigerian bomber Umar Farouk Abdulmuttalab was dropped from Al
Qaeda sniper school because he couldnt aim over his lips. The sheiks talked him into
becoming a suicide bomber because of his singular tendency to "go off" in his
Democrat strategist James Carville says he does not object to having his
penis measured at the airport. The rumor is that Carville buys condoms that are
Hollywood folks are "buddying" up to Fidel Castro lest he embargo
their supply of maracas and ruffled shirts. Their apprehension will be documented in an
upcoming film called "The Day the Cha Cha Cha Hit the Fan".)
At a mosque, where does the urinal end and the holy water begin?
To bolster his argument about the dirty environment, Al Gore has been seen
kicking chunks of air off his front walk.
Islamists are religious - but not godly.
Arguments between the Democrats and Republicans in the Senate can best be
described as a tempest in a toilet.
If the Clintons ever go before a firing squad it should be armed with Flit
Psychologists report the most frequently asked question regarding sex is
"What about tonight?"