By: Norm Liebmann

Obama’s next security move regarding the war on terror will be to close down the American Embassy in Munchkinland. Similarly, he will tighten airline security by reducing the number of Muslims boarding plan with carry-on explosives.

Financial shark, Bernard Bernanke, was rehired because of his singular ability to smell blood in a budget.

An idea whose time has some: Obese Overseas Airlines. If a passenger weighs over 300 pounds he will get to where he’s going by making two trips.

A woman recently called 911 to complain when her husband refused to eat his dinner. (Apparently he had eaten in that place before.)

Tony Blair wants to be the President of Europe. So did Hitler. Next case.

Who does the Obama family watch most often on TV - Jemima Winfrey or Butterfly McCouric?

Supreme Court Justice Sonia (Wiser Than Any White Man) Sotomanure is considering a judicial order to the Jockey Club to allow a burro to enter the Kentucky Derby.

Michelle Obama doesn’t need a girdle. She needs a U haul.

The ever-forgiving Attorney General Eric Holder has undertaken the task of finding an antidote for felons who have been executed by lethal injection.

How come it wasn’t called The Woodstock Degeneration?

Oblack Obama. ‘Nuff said.

A New England Travel Agency will offer vacationers a tour of Vermont’s empty closets.

Did Barack Obama’s parents’ wedding ceremony include exchanging nose rings?

Smith and Wesson already have a quick cure for the common terrorist.

Obama is using taxpayer money trying to influence the editorial opinions of mainstream newspapers that nobody reads.

Proctologists have abandoned rubber gloves for catchers’ mitts. Just the thought of it brings tears to your eyes. One size fits all.

Doesn’t Obama feign that same happy-go-shitty attitude as Bill Clinton?

Hillary is really fun to be near. Don't let that napalm cologne fool you.

The submissive posture in which they ambulate suggests the Republicans   change the name of their party to the Republicrawls.

Fashion statement: Inner city consumers carry something called a ghetto bag - for shopping after the stores are closed.

Las Vegas is making book that Jefferson Davis will end up on Mount Rushmore before Barack Obama.

The rumor is Teddy Kennedy was buried in a vertical position so the family can claim it had at least one upstanding politician.

You’ve said it all when you’ve said of Helen Thomas "It’s alive!"

To counter all the bad news about climate change, an optimistic meteorologist has issued a weather report predicting clear weather followed by clearing in the afternoon.

Muslim’s complaint they are being pulled out of line just because they have tails as profiling. (The controversy over the word "profiling" has been a blessing to cocktail party lay psychoanalysts who have finally exhausted the word "paranoid".)

The members of the Senate resemble severed worms. All its parts continue to wriggle and have to be stepped on one segment at a time. Don’t plan on ever wearing those shoes again.

The operative question is why is an aborigine with a toothy grin that slithered out of the gutters of Chicago being allowed to destroy the United States of America?

The next terrorist bomber on a transatlantic flight subdued by the passengers should have Attorney General Holder plead to have his fare refunded.

If there is a world series played in Massachusetts, will Barney Frank throw out the first pansy?

It’s possible if John Stossel gets anymore reasonable he’ll melt.

The rumor is Nigerian bomber Umar Farouk Abdulmuttalab was dropped from Al Qaeda sniper school because he couldn’t aim over his lips. The sheiks talked him into becoming a suicide bomber because of his singular tendency to "go off" in his "undies".

Democrat strategist James Carville says he does not object to having his penis measured at the airport. The rumor is that Carville buys condoms that are shrink-wrapped.

Hollywood folks are "buddying" up to Fidel Castro lest he embargo their supply of maracas and ruffled shirts. Their apprehension will be documented in an upcoming film called "The Day the Cha Cha Cha Hit the Fan".)

At a mosque, where does the urinal end and the holy water begin?

To bolster his argument about the dirty environment, Al Gore has been seen kicking chunks of air off his front walk.

Islamists are religious - but not godly.

Arguments between the Democrats and Republicans in the Senate can best be described as a tempest in a toilet.

If the Clintons ever go before a firing squad it should be armed with Flit guns.

Psychologists report the most frequently asked question regarding sex is "What about tonight?"

If our first President conducted America’s financial affairs the way Obama does, he would be remembered as "Gouge" Washington.

Nigerians will be remembered in America as Niger lovers. That works for me.

New TV game: Hand-search a celebrity. They will also tell you if your favorite star has a hernia. If not, the contestant will be allowed to give him one.

We hear endlessly about the innumerable geniuses at work in television. If one shows up he will be the first.

There was recently some gun play between two pro basketball players. The league has instituted a new rule that players can only fire at each other from behind the free throw line.

The airlines are planning to equip the cabin which will allow the pilots to press a control button that will put the passengers’ pants into zipper lock.

The Republicans have yet to find a political argument that John McCain doesn’t consider himself above.

Congress person Maxine Waters makes the late Sonny Liston look like a happy face. "Profiling" would keep Ms. Waters from boarding a garbage scow.

Now that passengers are not allowed to use the "Occupados" during the last hour of the flight, Stewardesses will offer the passengers, "Coffee, tea, or Depends".

The fact that passengers will not be allowed to use the toilet during that last hour of a flight gives new meaning to a holding pattern.

Could Barack Obama use his ears to harness wind power?

Janet Napolitano should be named National Poster Girl for Intellectual Power Outage. Apparently Joe Biden bit her on the neck. Incidentally, did I guess wrong or did someone piss in Ms. Napolitano hair?

Authorities have determined that no one will be allowed to use the airport restrooms during the last hundred revolutions of the luggage carousal.

The Congressman Joe Wilson who apologized for calling Obama a liar owes America an apology for apologizing.

Barack Obama’s worst imperfection is his failure to awaken the American people to his sinister designs for the nation.

On the 2010 census form Negroes will be designated as Negroes. Are we back to calling a spade a spade?

And along those lines, will Michael Jackson go down in history as the man who discovered the cure for pigmentation?

Another Obamaqueer? President Obama has hired a transgender. Her former "credentials" are up in Harvard in a jar. To remain "viable", like James Bond’s martinis, they have to be shaken – not stirred.

NASA is planning to send astronauts to the sun, which has an average temperature of 6000 degrees Centigrade. To avoid the possibility of burning up they’re going at night. The sign on the pad at NASA reads "Will the last astronaut to leave planet Earth remember to turn off the environment."

And this …

Barack Obama has never been discrete in dealing with Islamo-fascist countries. He’s just plain yellow.

"Published originally at : republication allowed with this notice and hyperlink intact."

Norman Liebmann is a free-lance political commentator and staff writer for Ether Zone.

Norman Liebmann can be reached at

We also invite you to visit his website - Fire Hat

Published in the January 11, 2010 issue of  Ether Zone.
Copyright 1997 - 2010 Ether Zone.

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